I am obsessed with my New Beetle and sure do love taking her for trips...she is me incarnate. I love her and plan on modding the hell out of her as she loves to show off and has quite the desire for speed.

There is a biodisel conference coming in a few weeks I want to attend, all depending on when my best friend's baby comes. Then, it is CT or bust!!!!

I took a break from hours of car research and loads of laundry to have a friend over for the evening last night.

He found a copy of Over the Hedge, just for me!!! What an awesome way to end my Bday week...Earlier this week, I even had a surprise mini Over the Hedge Bday party with tons of merchandise. My fave present was a tie between my DVD and my sterling silver VW Beetle charm for my charm bracelet. I also got some Flower the Skunk jammies.....Happy Joy!

Back to ordering car parts so my girl can get back on the road.....

Now that it is back up and looking good, I figured an update was in order.

Best news EVAH: I went to see TwoStripe last month and got myself a New Beetle TDI, thanks to him finding one for me. I enjoyed my trip as we always have fun together, but the highlight was getting to find out my car was in awesome shape. It was instant love.

I flew up, and drove her home...making a pit stop in DC to see some friends. I went to the Holocaust museum...Sad beyond words.

I have spent pretty much all my free time playing with my new car, ordering goodies for her and driving her everywhere possible. Last weekend, I got my first Check Engine Light. She is a VW so I was not surprised. So this weekend is troubleshooting weekend. I got her all legal this week, but the cameras were down so I could not renew my license. Now I get to spend my birthday (Monday) at the DMV. Oh what fun....*gags*

Everything is in bloom, and the evening breeze is thick with the scent of honeysuckle. Too bad my car is covered in sap, but it is worth it.  I would love to fast forward past Summer, though. It is already up into the high 80's. 92 degrees is about my limit. That is when I begin to stick to the indoors and the wonderful invention we call A/C.

Time has flown by and as usual, I have slacked off and become behind on deadlines. Orders have been slow which is bad for my pocketbook, but good for freeing up my machines to sew costumes. I have a con at the end of this month, and then the really big one at the end of August. It will take a lot of work from now until August to complete my projects, but we all look forward to this con all year long.

In other news, I was in a very bad depression but with the help of dear friends, am seeing the light of day once again. I may actually even post on here a little more now.

Ok, I have had enough and have to vent. I figure none of you people know me anyway, so what do I care what you all think about me?

My heart is heavy and I can not even blog this in my everyday journal due to not wanting all my local friends to know what lies beneath the calm and cool exterior.

My husband has 2 girlfriends, both of whom are lesbians married to each other, one of whom I was engaged to marry at one point and is to this date, my longest long term relationship and still my best friend. She is now pregnant with his child (planned) and I am supposed to be nothing but elated. Why did I allow this in the first place, you ask? I must be stupid, right? Well, I have a much different philosophy on relationships than most. I have not a jealous bone in my body and have always been willing to share my loves with others. So when my husband fell for my best friend and her wife (who is his best friend), it was very comfortable for me. Unfortunately, they chose him to be their sperm donor before this all happened. Now the entire thing has morphed into an entirely new entity with him all excited to be a father, and them wanting me to be a part of raising the child as well. Yes, we are all open to a poly lifestyle. And if you want to tell me how we are all going to rot in hell, don't waste your time. God's supposed approval is not needed here, thank you very much.....

Anyway, what I am getting at here is that I do not think I am ready for this. I never wanted children. My husband and myself agreed upon that before we married, yet now we are changing our entire lives around to fit around a child. A child that is not even mine. I do not want that child to come into this world feeling me resent him or her. I have 9 months to figure out what in the world I am going to do to either leave or be ok with this.

And all of this on top of my husband finally agreeing to allow me to have a relationship outside of the marriage, which I need desperately. I was so happy to finally have the freedom I needed to feel whole again, much as he has done with his relationships and his new path into fatherhood. I thought everything would be perfect. I know better. Nothing is ever easy, and I honestly did not expect this to be easy, but at the same time I never thought he would grant me permission then bar my every step to get where I need to be. He has TWO other people AND a baby on the way, yet somehow he feels threatened by one person who he knows has no intention whatsoever of taking me from him.

So, yeah....How is that for some Jerry Springer shit?

I constantly wonder how in the world I got to where I am today, and wonder if I would be better off leaving and starting all over, finding an open poly minded male or female to be with. I would be happy with a guy that shared my passions, and would also allow me to have a girlfriend. I have never found a girl to allow me to have a guy, so that doesn't seem like a realistic answer either. I do not know what I will do. For now, I am pretty much crawling inside my shell and doing what it takes to make sure he is happy while I wither like a flower without sunshine.........

Next week on Springer: "That's my baby's daddy's wife, who is my ex girlfriend....."

Dana got breast cancer and died. She didn't even ask for it, and everyone loved her.

Yes, the only TV show to captivate me every Sunday at 10pm..I am addicted to The L Word. But the buzz is all about some dude on The F'in Sopranos getting shot. Go figure. LOL

This moment brought to you by the Joy-Is-Bored foundation....

Goodbye, February. Don't let the next page of the calendar smack yo rump as you go!

This month has sucked royally, but things are looking up.

I just took 2 major commissions, shipped another out yesterday and have a small one coming tomorrow. Money is looking good off these orders and for once I am running ahead of schedule. It is a miracle for me...let me tell ya.

AND I am getting another coati. The girl I have now is overly bonded to me so we hope by getting her a buddy, it will help ease the anxiety of when she can not see me or when I go on trips, which can sometimes be frequently. This is also helping me prepare her for a new monkey in the house. She did not do well at all with the last one and tried to eat him.

Other than that...not much going on here. Working on orders, playing with the critters. Oh yeah...the skunks are all being cranky cause it is that time of the year in the wild and their hormones are kickin'. I am ready to have my sweet babies back.....

I just wanted to reinterate that mean people suck. You know...people who have nothing better to do in life than moan and bitch and complain and bring others down into their dark spiral of decay. Everything has to be everyone else's fault and the entire world is out to get them. I tend to feel sorry for these types in everyday life, but when the rotting stink gets a little too close to home, my feelings grow into anger and disdain. Fuck 'em all!

Just found out Sisters of Mercy are coming to Atlanta. I am so going.

Dammit, I missed Bauhaus and I am not missing this concert, too. Old school? Yes. But I am a music whore and I just gotta get my fix!!!!

In related news, I am in contact again with a very close friend that I lost touch with several years ago. This could be a very bad thing for my bank account if I allow myself to succumb to collecting again. It is a very bad addiction that was hard to give up in the first place, so I do not know if I will be able to fight the demons back again. LOL The good news is that he seems to have gone down a musical path thet I do not know if I am interested in enough to follow. But then again, he can be very persuasive. If not for him, I would never have ventured into Industrial willingly. Now look at me...I can not get enough.

I am a sad, strange little girl...he heeeeee

Found out there is a bill being proposed to ban exotics and some reptiles from my state. They will be so kind to grandfather in what we already have, but the stipulations are ridiculous, unconstitutional and not even affordable.

I spent all of last weekend at an exotic pet show, trying to educate others about the bill and hoping people will stand together to get it killed before it becomes law. If it passes, I am moving my a$$ out of this POS hole in the ground....

On top of it all, I went to the doctor yesterday and it cost roughly $500, which of course we did not have readily available and now there is great family tensions, like I can help the fact that I had to see the doctor. For crying out loud....

I will be happy to "escape" from my life this weekend. Although it will be short lived fun as I will be selling off a great chunk of my worldly possessions once I return.

Life sucks, and people make it so.

I did absolutely nothing today...LOL

Wait..not true. I played a mean game of frisbee with my Doberman.

Other than that, I honestly can not say what I did with my day. It felt good, though. I got my power bill today which did NOT feel good. I honestly do not know why its so much higher this month than the same period last year, AND it has been warmer this year AND we had no power for a week, not to mention the price per KWH is lower this year. WTFS?!?!?!

I took one of my skunks (Neo) out with me this evening to go pick up Chris' truck. He was sooo good. Makes me wanna start taking him on little trips like that with me..

Speaking of trips...I am going to DC next week and I am really excited. I am lucky to be able to travel so much. I know some people never see outside the town they live in and I feel thankful for the means to be able to pretty much go where I want, when I want. Thanks to TwoStripe for letting me tag along behind him for some of his trip back home...it sure will make it a faster drive. I need to find my Motorola Talk Abouts so we can talk about the  "seatbelt awards" we see driving by...LOL

You know when you have something that HAS to be done, yet you still procrastinate about it..

That is sooooo me today. I am doing everything BUT what I should be doing. Man, I have got to figure out a way to not do this anymore...LOL. I guess I could start by pushing myself away from the computer....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alright, I convinced myself. But just remember, kids:

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy...and then he will chop down your bathroom door with a sparkle in his eyes!

Much jealous...Two Stripe is in FL soaking up rays while we all freeze to death. Some friend...LOL

Done with the holidays, ready to buckle down on my orders and get my laptop ordered....

So the trip to LA was awesome! How people live there is beyond me, but it was cool to visit. I would sersiously lose it if I had to drive on those freeways for one more minute, though. INSANE! It was so nice to come back home and actually be able to DRIVE the car and MOVE down the road. What an experience! I felt FREE when I got back behind the wheel of my own car...LOL

 Saw Venice Beach, Hollywood, the Chinese Theater. We stayed on the Queen Mary, which was amazing unto itself! The exhibit was awesome, but I guess only a Star Wars geek like myself would find it worth seeing. The people who worked at the museum were so impressed with how far I came that they gave me a Members Only lanyard and badge. Hey, works for me! Just one more geeky thing to add to my growing collection of even geekier crap taking up room in my already cramped house..He heeeee

All the skunks are good, although they seem to think The Ice Age is coming and it will kill us all. They are stealing evey textile they can find, and hunkering down in the darkest and most hidden hidey holes they can find. I do not even see them anymore until they feel as though they are starving to death, at which point they come find me and strike until I feed the poor souls. So cute!